Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
