I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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