is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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