The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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