Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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