I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You took a bar mat shot.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
