I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
