WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
