That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
