But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
