I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
