every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
