last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
