i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
