Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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