i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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