and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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