...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
