That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
