when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
