i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
