weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
