and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
