dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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