census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
