dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
