North Korea, Best Korea!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
