I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
