Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
