When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
