What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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