My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
