I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
