she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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