Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
