I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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