11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
