This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
