it was like his penis was on wheels.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
