Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
