Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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