my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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