What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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