he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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