dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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