So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
