I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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