I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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