I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
