Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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