11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
