I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
