so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
