and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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