Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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