I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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