Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
