you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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