I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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