I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
