is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
