Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't deserve a penis
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
