I just pynch a tree in the face
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
