Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
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If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
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I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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