I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
