you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
