also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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