worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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