My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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