If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
