i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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