just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
