WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
