so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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