ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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