Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
