im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
