Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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