I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
