Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
