update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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